Changes are expected in your romantic goals today, Taurus, and this may involve endings and beginnings for you. Whether you are single or attached, a little break may be required for you today, in the form of a time out, or even a relationship ending. Instead of viewing this as an end to something good, consider this as an opportunity to let go of something that has not been working, and no longer has a positive purpose in your life. You are best when you are emotionally satisfied, and if you have not been receiving that in love, it is time to move on, and you will be better for it

SENSELESS

i miss writing here.
i miss my senseless side. haha.
later babe, later [[:

iT FEELS GOOD TO WRiTE

"He’s unavailable. And he’s a cheater! He’s nothing but a lifetime of unkept promises and heartache and oh, did I mention he’s a CHEATING PIECE OF CRAP. Tell me again why you want that, when you could have a man’s full attention, love, and heart?"

So here I wait--for my UNmarried man. I take it day by day and I need to work on the sadness I feel. While it feels as if I’m in mourning, there are no real tears right now. I sit back and observe that in shock. No tears? But there is a sense of a hollow heart, a bottomless pit in my stomach that is not going away. I'm beginning to love him. but I also love myself enough to finally let him go. While I intend for him to take action, I also know that I have no control over those results. So I wait.

I'm worthy of someone
... someone available.

WiSHLiST

♫ tweety clock
♫ tweety hotdog
♫ total sauna
♫ P1i / e61 / e71- ERASE
♫ new pantz
♫ radio player (for my room)
♫ blouse
♫ cp for sun (ordinary one)
♫ lingerie
♫ contax
♫ vs vanilla lace
♫ check-upz - DONE
♫ goodliness
♫ digicam sm
♫ havz (3)
♫ soap beauty box
♫ umbrella
♫ shoes parisian sm
♫

...that's all folkz [[:

nalilito nahihilo

gusto kong magsulat ng hindi ko alam.

sabog ba ako? o mas sabog siya?

...bow!

OLDiEZ THOUGHTS

written: JULY 31, 2009
posted: August 11, 2009 (ooopz. tamad strikes again.)

it's my "mylabz" birthday. weew, but no party tonight for us. haha. She'll (yes babe, she's a she) be celebrating her 23rd inhaling-and-exhaling-on-earth with her family. but we had this kinda plan for tomorrow. We'll see.

Anyways, carlo en I broke up. Haha (are we on a relationship pala? Akalain mo) lmao. But then, that's not the issue, the thing is we're still exchanging messages as "musta?" thingy and it's odd. See? We had 3 break ups. 1st was year 2004, 2nd year 2007 and 3rd year 2009. And after those 1st and 2nd breakups, we don't ussually have these scenarios. Nevertheless it's not really a BIG issue for me, I was just, uggghhh. I was... I dunno. Ka-artihan lang talaga umaatake.

MARLON LEGANADA - oooh that boi with thick hair, chinito eyes, slender figure and not-so-good 5th grader attitude. haha. Yes. He was a friend way back 1998. And we met up again for almost 10 years. Thanks Facebook. I missed him. A lot had been changed. So much. ANd he's actually exited on reading my silly judgement on our ex schoolmates. haha. And i've been much exited on reading his whereabouts now.

paita

ybiangz took the whats the first letter of the person you'll fall in love with? quiz and the result is C

The one your looking for starts with a C!

They may be an asshole but they're your asshole.

just another bitter

Remember what I told you that I'm ok now? Guess what? Uh huh. I've been ok since then. I've been ok since I realize (after 2 years, haha) that I don't deserve someone like you. That it's ok if you have numerous bitches and that is none of my business to interfere all your extra eff'in doings. That there's no US, really.

See? It's just a matter of acceptance and realization. haha. Now I can have that "haha". Well, I can divert the "thoughts of you" to "thinking-something-else".

I wouldn't miss it for the nth time, carlo. But you'll always be my all time favorite crush. You still make me smile due to your not-25-year-old-attitude. haha. You silly asshole. But you're cute when you tease me. Yeah, maybe that's all we ever could be, that's all you could ever be "my favorite ex-bf-crush"

see you when i see you.

note: we're still dating --->> as FRiENDZ.

REALLY

ybiangz just took the "How to know if your boyfriend still loves you?" quiz and the result is he does not love you and is probably using you.

Problems can creep in when you start to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” You start examining all the things you do for your lover. For example, all the ways you express your love and how much time and energy you’re putting into the relationship. Then based on his or her actions you notice that your lover is not giving an equal amount back. When you try to commit your partner tends to start to back away from the relationship. But yet in your mind you don't want to love more than your partner loves. You should become fearful that if you love him or her more than they love you, you might be played for a fool.

++ even the fb's quiz result's just right for me.

"if you love somebody then you don't have any interest in being with somebody else."

++ guess what? i'm so ok now

[[: REALLY!!!

SAD TRiiP

July 17, 2009

This just another testimony on how we'll i'm good on being bare.

I hate. But not as much as I hate myself for not being so courageous enough to rebuff him. Everytime he gave me that look (the one that causes those eff'in bitches to lose control on their faculties), I can't help but kiss him and kick him at the same time.

Watta eff'. It's been 2 years (and more) but the nightmare keeps on and on. A sweet nightmare I loved to dream. A nightmare I don't want to wake up to. Buxet!

The anger that had been slashing at my insides still linger. I am empty. It came to a point when my cousin keep on talking about the day's event, there I am, driving on a busy Friday night, smelling his perfume on my hand, and thinking what an asshole he had been. uggh.

It was as if someone had turned out the light and i was plunged into this black mood. i can't cry. i can't produce tears. But I wanted too and really trying. All i can do is shout (in silence) and curse myself. ooh super curse.

When I came to, I realize to my relief that it was the same thing that happened to me since then. And I don't wanna ask why, I might loose my mind.

For as long as anyone can remember, I keep on promising, to the nth time. I'm dying to change. Eager. Ready. When will i gain enough determination (ow i remember this line). Seriously, maybe why it keeps haunting me (really haunts) because I never did well. I never learn.

OH GOD! HHEELLLPPPP MMMMEEEE.

I wanna have amnesia. Badly.

July 18, 2009

I feel somewhat better, but I still think I'm loosing it.

iTS COMPLiCATED

after 2 years 7 months en a couple of days, he's back again in the long run... Back again in my life. maybe he's the best description of "TECHNiCALLY HE'S NOT MiNE" thinggy.

silly but then i'm a lil bit affected because if it was that much, well, if it was a strong urge of non-recovery and not-over-you scenario, then maybe i'm crying right now.

Oh well, it's a sort of getting emotional minus the tears. hehe. now that's a "smile".

and what's the worst than this? I could see Him, only Him, even when i'm all alone here.

my bad.

"He was mine but never really.
I never really had Him.
So i never really lost Him.

I guess this is how we'll always be.
I had Him
He had me
But then again,
There's no
US...

really."

TALKiiNG NONSENSE

i just had a very painful tuesday due to a not-so-tragic event.
ingrown babe, it's ingrown.

ow well, that is.

STUCKED

ow well, stuck here at "tata benitos"
[coffee shop here at obrero]

haiiz. raining as is.

me alone en my 80z cappucino.

SEEiNG $$$ AGAiiN

note: just using dollar sign instead of a Php sign [Php sign cannot be found]

Just got lucky. i'll be starting my new (not new on me) work tomorrow. USeP called up. see? my prayers were answered. i'll be teaching College Algebra for two classes. one is at 5.00pm-6.oopm and the other is 7.oopm-8.oopm. basically, i have one hour (6.oopm-7.oopm) free time.

Exited but not as much as my friends are [pempem en ata]. they'll be getting a havaianas gift from me on december as promised. haha.

anywayz, as papa told me:

"magseryoso naka kay pait jud ng tao
nga walay kwarta.
magtarong naka.
dili magcge ug laag.."
blah blah.

YES PA. GOT iiT.

thank you Lord. thankz ma en pa. thankz everyone!!!.

+unexplained happiness.

i LiKE U, BUT i REALLY WANT HiM

haha. don't mind the title. boredom strikez me.

i guess yea, i guess. haiiz.
i missed him, and it's bad to miss him.
ugggghh. ok ok. i don't miss him anymore.
haha. silly.

better lay back to bed. tweetwimz everyone [[:

SO BiTTER

1. no work.
2. no lovelife.

pagka pait (so bitter)

the main reason for number 1 is that, usep's enrollment is still going on and loading of subjects are not yet done. so basically, rest for me and wait for a call. (hope to get a call).

here we go now, for number 2's main reason, is simply it's "BY CHOiCE", (i had suitors, mind you. haha.) but then, uggghhh, where's my fvcking superhuman. is HE lost now?

(so out of the topic)
i wanna buy these stuffz soon:

♫ tweety cloth for curtainz, pillowcase en bedsheet
♫ divider for stuffz
♫ pantz
♫ se p1i
♫ trip to bohol (oww)

SHUDA COULDA WOULDA

and i guess it would not happen this way again.

not now. ughhh.

he likes me.

no biig deal (he's the big one. hehe)

it's just like. period.

c'mon. affected ko? haha. silly.

ako pa?.

[[:

BURP BURP DAY [[:

im 22.
a lot better from before.
tried to control. tried to change.



had celebrated it with a dinner bash with my closest friends.



and a party the morning with my loyal highschool buddies.



xot everyone [[:

FiFi'z NEW TRiiX

1st timer sa cot

yes. i've been to cot na [:
passed 7 rivers just to get to the site.
but all worth it.

OVER LOVED

I need to find somebody who can't sleep at night
Without holding me without holding me tight
I want someone who sees me all the time in their dreams
And then wakes up thinking just of me
Spent time on my own
Spent time being free
Now I just wanna be

Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved

I want someone who can't wait to kiss me again
Even though it's been a minute since they last did
Want someone who loves love songs
And dedicates them to me
And two loving arms never out of reach
Been fine all alone
Did fine being free
This time I wanna be
This time I wanna be

Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved

Want someone to talk to me with talk so sweet
Want someone who's there to share their world with me
I've been too lonely for too many nights
This time I need someone here in my life
This time I want someone holding me tight
Been under kissed, under touched
Now I just wanna be

Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved

I just wanna be
Overloved
By someone who's over in love with me
Overloved
Over kissed over touched
Oh I just wanna be overloved

B A N K R U P T

the day when my hands itch, it never left since then, untill now.

still craving. ughhhh. when will this agony be gone?

$$$$ where are you now?

back to you

im so not into over with my n73 phone.

all my money (saved from HCM work) were all spent for it.
then on september 2008, *boom* disappear. haiiz.

and now, i got a new one. haha.
bitterness is done. just loved my phone

[: credit to my dad
who gave me his n70 for me to use and sell [:

$ $ $ $

im done, and my hands kinda itch. haha.

im seeing
money [:

GRIEVING HEART

since the wake of dingding's father were already here in mintal, i got the chance to visit and stayed till morning for 3 day straight. and of course, since dingding and i were a lil bit missed of each other (ooh, i miss her a lot) we had a long night to talk stuffz just like what we did before.

on the 1st night, we left about 4am of that. Melody, Grace, Dingding and I had a zip of 1 case of rh (in which, dingding and i only drunk those 6 grandes'. DRUNKEN) plus the pulutan thinggy. not to mention the laugh trip thoughts.

on the 2nd night, Maiva only stayed for about 1hour and then leave. So only, Kuya Pax, Gonyong, Dingding, Melody, Grace and I were left. we stayed till 3.30 am, but still, DRUNKEN.

on the 3rd night was the last night of the wake. I was still present but i had Diane, Sheena and Janjan on the group. what do you expect, DRUNKEN, and left 5am.

on march 25, yesterday, was the internment of tito jerry at mintal public cemetery. it was also his 46 birthday. Dingding, Maiva and I went downtown afternoon of that and gone bonding a lil bit and then went home.

im sure dingding will miss her father, but then, how can you comfort a grieving heart?

R.I.P tito JERRY

dingding'z father died last March 13, 2009 due to a motor accident. it was definitely a heart breaking incident. At a young of 45 he had gone and had left dingding, ateng and dingding's mother.

May our good Lord guide tito Jerry on his way to our Father.
AMEN!

untitled

have you ever felt how it feel to be thrown in the pool when its only 3 ft high?

see how stupidity and expectation collide and strikes you at the same time.

uggghhh. mag bisaya ko kay di nako mapagawas tanan kung mag english. ako'y buset ng buset at marami pang buset. see?

• i liked him before the clash and the tanduay thing.
• i liked him before he drove my car
• i liked him before he waits me to get back to myself again
• i liked him before he texted me the morning of that
• i liked him before he bacame my "pugee"
• i liked him before the rostitas with his friends
• i liked him before the "kaya pa nimo?"
• i liked him before he wanted to be my driver

and

i liked him before, there's no chance of...

HE LiKiNG ME.

[: may nalang jud. ako si ako. better lay back and think...

• everything will be alright without him
• but the taste of rh will be the same without him
• that i can drove home without him
  
• my friends will still be my friends without him
• i can get back to myself without him
  
• happiness is spelled without him
• inbox will still be inbox without him
• my phonebook won't look lost something without him
• i can sing without him
• el rio is still el rio without him
• uic will still be uic without him

and

everyday is still a "party the morning"...

WITHOUT HIM.

much has been said. much of him. much of me.

credit to: o9__2144259

REUNiTED en it feels so good

march 14, 2oo9

it was a (late) celebration for axel's 3rd birthday party. anyways, it wasn't intended for axel and his friends, but rather for his MAMEE (spelled by maiva) and his MAMEE'S friends. haha. party the morning [:

march 15, 2oo9

about 2.oo am
...twas the first time my #1 labz laid his lips on my cheek. haha. purfect [:

about 2.3o am
...i saw ED again. en i miss him a lot [:

about 3.oo am
...realizations. much better now. atleast i know where i must stand and eventually, i can put him away on my existence. bow!

AKALA...

akala ng lahat mapapagod din ako

mabuti nalang matigas ang aking ulo

♥ oye! boredom.

HE GOT A new SHE

"naa gud ko ginapanguyaban byang, someday ul know her,
controversial pa karon, hehe"

"taga davao doc xa byang. basta cute,
gwapa and ViRGiN, haha"

"21. taga buhangin, otherside pero ayoz lang
basta happy ko. hehe"

♥ see? he's in love again. wooh. im happy for you, pula.
♥ ako kaya, kanu's na pud? looser mode. haha!.

credit to my #2 labz: CHARLES BARCELONA

iLL BE OVER YOU

i need inspiration please. ughhhh.
i still have 18 academic units left and a thesis proposal.

haiiz. all efforts for me to become
IVY LYT MAUSISA SUMUGAT M.D.
oha oha !!!
*sigh*

WEEKLONG SCENARiOS

march 3

SUUNNNOOOOG... yeah, who start the fire? my neighbor'z children. a 3 and a 5 year old babies playing matches, then lit the clothes scattered in their home. too bad. but then, we're still lucky despite of those things happened.

february 27

i wanna be drunk. waah. yeah, after the work, proceed to CAP for the loveflock and tenenenen... getting drunk [: love that? ow i did.

february 24

it was JUNJUN'z beerday bash. oha oha. we had dinner at el rio and then prepare ourselves for the nights celebration. after the videoke thing and a lil zip of rh, we then woop our asses down town. aw'ryt, partee all night loooong.

Oooopzz...

oh no no!. just when i had my sentimental sorry's and blahblah'z, here i go again...

WHEN WiLL i LEARN?

PERFECTLY iMPERFECT

realizationz:

"i admit, things were basically on its
proper timing.
but then, i screw it. oh lord, so sorry"

*where would i start?. year o8 has ended, leaving me memories which helps me to grow (vertical, horizontal), stupiid. i thank you for all who've been a part of my o8 dayz [: and for the fvcking boiiz who in one way or another let me feel so insecure, i curse all of you. haha.

*next, o9 now. i still can remember when i asked the above (Lord) not to (atleast not now) give me the perfectly imperfect unknown man for me unless He knows im ready for the next big thing. and ow yeah, the above is so great... "gihatagan lang naman ko niya ug MGA temptation in which i failed to resist"... tsk!.

*and that's my weakness (aside from black chocolates). damn boiiz. when will i gain that? or i was just so hurriedly and uncontrollable to look for someone who would caress my inner longingness. :[ so pathetic. pootek.

*it's been two years (may 07) since i had my officially called "boyfriend". and im afraid that i can't find any more man who would let me feel those holding-handz, kissing-momentz, texting-with-iloveu's and specially the picture-takingz. ooh i miss that. *but then...

"there are things in life that are just not worth rushing,
especially something you wish to last forever"... amen!

acknowledgment...

*friends: always, been part of me. we may out of sight always, but then, memories we had beggining in elementary and highschool were one of the cherished moments i had. iloveuall. till next partee [:

*for my wonderz: who always supports and understand without further question, iloveuxomuch. u knew me well, to accept me enough. mwa.

*for my family: i love you all [:

*for my lord: im sorry. i thank you for those things. for them. for all. im trying my lord, you knew that and i love you.

*to the perfectly imperfect unknown man: ill wait for you. see you when i see you and...

iLOVEYOU

WB ybiangz

IM NOT THE MOOD... wtf.

musulat qo unya. unya na. kapoie.
i miss here. i miss me. waah!