SAD TRiiP

July 17, 2009

This just another testimony on how we'll i'm good on being bare.

I hate. But not as much as I hate myself for not being so courageous enough to rebuff him. Everytime he gave me that look (the one that causes those eff'in bitches to lose control on their faculties), I can't help but kiss him and kick him at the same time.

Watta eff'. It's been 2 years (and more) but the nightmare keeps on and on. A sweet nightmare I loved to dream. A nightmare I don't want to wake up to. Buxet!

The anger that had been slashing at my insides still linger. I am empty. It came to a point when my cousin keep on talking about the day's event, there I am, driving on a busy Friday night, smelling his perfume on my hand, and thinking what an asshole he had been. uggh.

It was as if someone had turned out the light and i was plunged into this black mood. i can't cry. i can't produce tears. But I wanted too and really trying. All i can do is shout (in silence) and curse myself. ooh super curse.

When I came to, I realize to my relief that it was the same thing that happened to me since then. And I don't wanna ask why, I might loose my mind.

For as long as anyone can remember, I keep on promising, to the nth time. I'm dying to change. Eager. Ready. When will i gain enough determination (ow i remember this line). Seriously, maybe why it keeps haunting me (really haunts) because I never did well. I never learn.

OH GOD! HHEELLLPPPP MMMMEEEE.

I wanna have amnesia. Badly.

July 18, 2009

I feel somewhat better, but I still think I'm loosing it.