just another bitter

Remember what I told you that I'm ok now? Guess what? Uh huh. I've been ok since then. I've been ok since I realize (after 2 years, haha) that I don't deserve someone like you. That it's ok if you have numerous bitches and that is none of my business to interfere all your extra eff'in doings. That there's no US, really.

See? It's just a matter of acceptance and realization. haha. Now I can have that "haha". Well, I can divert the "thoughts of you" to "thinking-something-else".

I wouldn't miss it for the nth time, carlo. But you'll always be my all time favorite crush. You still make me smile due to your not-25-year-old-attitude. haha. You silly asshole. But you're cute when you tease me. Yeah, maybe that's all we ever could be, that's all you could ever be "my favorite ex-bf-crush"

see you when i see you.

note: we're still dating --->> as FRiENDZ.

REALLY

ybiangz just took the "How to know if your boyfriend still loves you?" quiz and the result is he does not love you and is probably using you.

Problems can creep in when you start to have thoughts of “do I love him more than he loves me?” You start examining all the things you do for your lover. For example, all the ways you express your love and how much time and energy you’re putting into the relationship. Then based on his or her actions you notice that your lover is not giving an equal amount back. When you try to commit your partner tends to start to back away from the relationship. But yet in your mind you don't want to love more than your partner loves. You should become fearful that if you love him or her more than they love you, you might be played for a fool.

++ even the fb's quiz result's just right for me.

"if you love somebody then you don't have any interest in being with somebody else."

++ guess what? i'm so ok now

[[: REALLY!!!

SAD TRiiP

July 17, 2009

This just another testimony on how we'll i'm good on being bare.

I hate. But not as much as I hate myself for not being so courageous enough to rebuff him. Everytime he gave me that look (the one that causes those eff'in bitches to lose control on their faculties), I can't help but kiss him and kick him at the same time.

Watta eff'. It's been 2 years (and more) but the nightmare keeps on and on. A sweet nightmare I loved to dream. A nightmare I don't want to wake up to. Buxet!

The anger that had been slashing at my insides still linger. I am empty. It came to a point when my cousin keep on talking about the day's event, there I am, driving on a busy Friday night, smelling his perfume on my hand, and thinking what an asshole he had been. uggh.

It was as if someone had turned out the light and i was plunged into this black mood. i can't cry. i can't produce tears. But I wanted too and really trying. All i can do is shout (in silence) and curse myself. ooh super curse.

When I came to, I realize to my relief that it was the same thing that happened to me since then. And I don't wanna ask why, I might loose my mind.

For as long as anyone can remember, I keep on promising, to the nth time. I'm dying to change. Eager. Ready. When will i gain enough determination (ow i remember this line). Seriously, maybe why it keeps haunting me (really haunts) because I never did well. I never learn.

OH GOD! HHEELLLPPPP MMMMEEEE.

I wanna have amnesia. Badly.

July 18, 2009

I feel somewhat better, but I still think I'm loosing it.

iTS COMPLiCATED

after 2 years 7 months en a couple of days, he's back again in the long run... Back again in my life. maybe he's the best description of "TECHNiCALLY HE'S NOT MiNE" thinggy.

silly but then i'm a lil bit affected because if it was that much, well, if it was a strong urge of non-recovery and not-over-you scenario, then maybe i'm crying right now.

Oh well, it's a sort of getting emotional minus the tears. hehe. now that's a "smile".

and what's the worst than this? I could see Him, only Him, even when i'm all alone here.

my bad.

"He was mine but never really.
I never really had Him.
So i never really lost Him.

I guess this is how we'll always be.
I had Him
He had me
But then again,
There's no
US...

really."

TALKiiNG NONSENSE

i just had a very painful tuesday due to a not-so-tragic event.
ingrown babe, it's ingrown.

ow well, that is.